Waking Up

To say the damage from my past is extensive and most likely most of it permanent, I admit that to this day 3 years and how many months sober, I still feel like the shell of myself. The constant lack of self awareness, my loss of motor control. I put my body through the wringer and bottom line is I have to live with the consequences every day. However recently, I've noticed a change, and its a huge change and win for me. It feels as if part of my brain is waking up again. I'm still very unsure of myself in everything I do but I feel connections being made, I almost feel myself returning to what I would consider normal. It's only brief moments of clarity, than right back to fog, but it gives me hope. I've felt more alive in the last couple weeks than I have in the last decade.

On top of this I have also seemed to be breaking into a new creative stride, and I would say I am starting to create artwork with a quality and passion I've never had before. Some huge 3d projects are in the works and I am obsessed with making mandalas. Photography has taken a bit of a back seat, as I currently don't have the bandwidth to upload my full quality images however still sitting on roughly 600 photos ready to be uploaded when I have the resources.

I don't want to stop, I can't stop. I still don't know near as much as I want to but I know I am getting better slowly. I still have bad moments every day, but I take them as they come. I don't know. Life was literal hell not even a year ago. I held on though and now I'm 3800 miles away and in where I call paradise. Life does get better, Never give up on your dreams no matter how bleak things may seem and one day you too could find yourself waking up in paradise, life starting a new.