I need to slow down.

Ok so I'll admit I dont listen to my body, im learning my limits and to find limits you have to hit your max. Well yeah I'd say I hit that max. I have been in bed since I got home and nerve pain is brutal. I've been pushing myself so hard for the last three or four weeks as everything has escalated and changed. My nerve pain is off the charts. I didnt sit when my body wanted to sit, i was so low on sleep I was drink 2-3 redbulls a day from a caffeine free lifestyle, I couldnt bring myself to sleep when my body begged for it. I have so much going on I just need to step back and let myself breathe in the madness. Im okay, I've been worse but i need to start listening to my body, not my mind. Idk how I'm going to get thru tomorrow but I'd be lying if I said I'm not familiar working while having a flare up. Im going to keep resting tonight and dig deep. Not much longer and our lives change forever. The goal is in sight closed then ever and that is what has notivated me all these years to keep going no matter how bad you wanna stop. These are the days I grow, and I can say my mental health is better than ever and for the first time Id say I actually have a few real friends for the first time in years, relationships that I hope to maintain the rest of my life. I love myself finally and have an idea of where I finally want to go in life and I am feeling more alive mentally then I remember in a decade. I feel like a fog is starting to lift and my brains starting to form connections again. This is a wild ride but I am beyond elated to be where I'm at so I guess that means I must be grateful for everything I go thru that shapes who I am everyday. I feel like I'm finally learning to cope and heal and none of this would have been possible had I not gotten sober, changed the entire group of people I affiliate with, quit a job that was so toxic it was pushing me towards a mental breakdown, and worked my ass off towards a goal that only months ago I considered a pipe dream never giving up in the face of adversity. Sorry for the long post but wow, just a lot going on, and just feelin so many emotions i figured Id write it out. I'm done posting everytime something is negative or just grinds my gears, but if I do need it I will post when I'm struggling honestly it probably just means I need to talk and just cant reach out. I love you all so much for lifting my spirits up and motivated, some of you have no idea how much your comments impacted me. Thank you to my real friends, you know who you are. Im ready to wrap up this dark chapter of my life and Im ready to get to living. And id say off to a great start.